"Not ME!" Monday

It's time again for "Not Me!" Monday, the blog carnival hosted by MckMama every Monday. Did you have a bad day? bad week? bad year (so far)? And are you in denial about it? Then this is the place for you. If you haven't already, go check it out, and then join in with a post of all the things you may or may not have done over the past week that could bring a little shame. I haven't played in a few weeks, but there were just TOO many things to pass up this time, so here goes:

After finally going to the salon for the first time in over 20 years, getting a fab cut and color, and reveling in the compliments that it brought, I have NOT avoided going back for over 3 months now. And I do NOT look like a bit of a shaggy dog. Why would I do that, after finally gettin' my hair groove on?

And I have NOT been to TELLUS museum FOUR times in the past two weeks.. that might be a bit much. Oh, and the saleslady in the gift shop may or may not have asked if I got an employee discount on my purchase. Busted... too much TELLUS, and not enough salon.

I definitely did NOT try about 50 of the 64 different flavors at The World of Coke when I chaperoned a field trip last week. Nor did I try to find a quiet nook or cranny in which I could burp in private. (and that did NOT make me laugh as I wondered if the designers planned that into the room.. "Hey, Ralph, we need a few more nooks and crannies in here so folks can privately release their gas!"). Oh, and I did not have to keep my legs crossed tightly on the bus on the way home because all 50 flavors migrated south at the same time. No way.. not me!

I definitely did NOT crack up at this on the StuffChristiansLike.com blogspot. And then, I surely did not realize that he was talking about me in numbers 1, 2, and 5. And seriously, I'm not now paranoid about the whole thing. Not me.

I did NOT have to stifle the urge to say "Stupid is as stupid does" when the bug hunter touched a hot burner last week and blistered his hand. He'll be nine next week.. honestly, should he still be doing that stuff? Thank goodness I have good stifle reflexes.

I did NOT nearly lose it when said bug hunter and friend were talking in the back seat of the van about the movie Spaceballs, and bug hunter began relating a scene in which the word a$$hole (sorry... but it really IS part of the story) is used frequently. He's saying the word over and over. MY mouth was NOT hanging open.. no, I was calm, cool and collected. So, I did not nearly scream "WHAT are you saying?" To which he did NOT reply "What's wrong? It's just the guy's name, Mom!" (he thought it was like Aslan... ). And the friend? Nah, he didn't then proceed to give a very detailed description of just what that word is. That scene did NOT play out in my van.

This morning (I could have a whole post on just this morning, people!), I did NOT spray the bathroom counter with cleaner, only to realize that my handsome hubby had left half of a VERY expensive migrane pill laying out. And I did NOT then rinse off the pill, dry it, and stick it back in the bottle. I would never do that to my dear husband.. no way! (and anyway, it might actually add something that will take away his headache even faster, right?)

And I did NOT go out yesterday and buy a can of John McCann Irish steel cut oats after reading MckMama's post, because she does NOT influence me in any way, shape, or form. And, I may or may NOT have been able to figure out how to open the stupid can (which opens like a paint can,but I couldn't find the dumb seam that early in the morning), and I did NOT give up and use the can opener to open the bottom. I also did NOT spill about 1/4 of the can as I was pouring it into the ZipLoc bag (I know..steel cut oats in plastic.. it's a darn shame). And, as I was sweeping up the oats that I didn't spill, I did NOT.. absolutely NOT.. turn my back on the oats that were cooking, and they did NOT boil over the pot faster than a rabbit can breed. My kitchen did NOT look like a bomb exploded, all because of MckMama and her healthy habits. NO WAY did that happen this morning!

There's more.. seriously... much more. But, I have a kitchen to clean up, so it's adios for now. Head on over to MyCharmingKids and check out what MckMama and the rest of the gang did NOT do last week. And have yourself a happy Monday!